Mindfulness is hard sometimes



When trying to be push away all the negative around you and being mindful about what you say and do to other you also at times find yourself caring too much about how others feel.  Well at least I do.  I think about how I might have made someone feel by saying or not saying something or even the tone in which I say it.  I think about about how I didn’t call or text someone and if they wondered if I am mad at them or I wonder if I did something wrong when I don’t hear from them.  I worry about shit that doesn’t matter.  Yes you shouldn’t say things that are intended to hurt someone, but you can’t control how people take what you say.  You can only be true to yourself and leave the rest behind.

I have the worse habit of when I do the dishes my mind will go into overload and I will think of everything that I shouldn’t.  Things that happened months ago and I will go in circles about it getting just as upset if not more than I was when it happened.  It drives me crazy and I do my best to stop it every time, but somehow it always happens.  So I have started turning on music when I am doing them just so I have something I keep my mind in a good place.  

I think the first step to becoming mindful is knowing when you are going to a bad place and being able to stop it.  It isn’t something you can change in a day, a week, or even a month.  It takes a lot of time and I am still nowhere close to where I need to be.  It’s something I have to try not to do everyday, but I’m changing by not letting it go on.  I am trying to put a stop to it as it happens and noticing when it’s not worth my time to worry about.

I am currently listening to an audiobook “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck” by Mark Manson and it is exactly what I need to be listening to right now as I try to change my mindset.  I plan on writing about it after I am done, but I am just getting started on it so give me a couple weeks.  I am tired of caring about what people think of me and my family.  I can count on 1 hand how many people really care about how I am doing, so why do I worry about what any of the others think?  They don’t pay my bills, take care of my children, or clean my house so why do I give a fuck?  The simple answer is I shouldn’t.

I think we are all so worried about what people think that we can’t stop that little voice in the back of our head that makes us question everything we do.  Well I am on a mission to figure out how to shut that bitch up and not give a fuck about what others think.  Excuse the language – wait, no I’m not.  I cuss like a drunken sailor pretty much all the time.  I love the word fuck and it helps me destress.  So I’m going to stop caring if people are bothered by how I talk, it’s how I am and if a “fuck” slips out just take it as it is and move on.   

I want to stop worrying about all the bull and start worrying only about the stuff that really matters.  I want to devote all that unneeded stress on things that need my attention.  Dedicate that time to making my family able to live anywhere we want and not being tied down to a job, keeping my family and myself as healthy as possible, teaching my sons to be amazing mindful men, being a good wife, and caring about the few people who really care about my little family.  Fuck the rest of the bull shit.  

As of right now I don’t have any tricks to tell you on how to stop thinking about all the crap that doesn’t matter besides try to meditate and turn on music, but I am going to figure it out.  I don’t want to live the rest of my life worrying about what other people think of me or my lifestyle.  I want to enjoy my life and have a clear mind to make good mindful choices, not choices that are based on what other people will think about them.  

So don’t worry about that family member that is never happy with anything, or that co-worker that makes drama out of how a pen writes.  Let it go as fast as it came to you as you smile and walk away.

Namaste beautiful!



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